How much do you know about kink?
Kink isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Even if you’re not interested in dipping your toe into the world of kink, kinksters have some important lessons about sex that can benefit everyone, whether kinky or not. Kink is becoming more and more mainstream in everything from books to tv shows to memes, and with that is an excellent opportunity to explore a new side to sexuality that many haven’t considered.
The way kink is portrayed in mainstream media can be problematic, to say the least, but it has opened up a whole new world for people to explore.
What is kink?
Kink is generally considered to be an interest or sexual practice that involves anything that deviates from what’s considered “normal.” This can be anything – acting out fantasies, practicing BDSM, exploring fetishes, group sex, etc. In many kinky relationships and encounters, there is some sort of power exchange that is negotiated and communicated beforehand.
What is kink?
Kink is generally considered to be an interest or sexual practice that involves anything that deviates from what’s considered “normal.” This can be anything – acting out fantasies, practicing BDSM, exploring fetishes, group sex, etc. In many kinky relationships and encounters, there is some sort of power exchange that is negotiated and communicated beforehand.
Some examples of kink include:
- Bondage
- Impact Play
- Domination/submission
- Discipline
- Sadism/Masochism
- Role Play
- Group sex
- Exhibitionism
- Voyeurism
Kink is becoming less taboo, so naturally, more and more folks are interested in exploring this world.
Even if you’re not interested in exploring kink, BDSM, power exchange, or anything similar, there are still things to learn from kinky people. Here are 4 important lessons that vanilla (or non-kinky!) folks can learn from the kink community.
Consent is crucial
Consent is of extreme importance in the kink community. Kink is based on explicit consent. An important part of kinky play is the negotiation before any sexual activity occurs. This is when all participants discuss their limits, their safewords, what they’re looking to get out of the encounter (called a “scene”), and anything relevant at the time. Without explicit consent, a lot of what goes on in a scene wouldn’t be considered fun or empowering – it would be assault. It’s essential to get consent for everything going on every time. You can discuss what consent means for you and your partners beforehand. For example, in some scenes, both partners cannot speak, whether that’s due to the negotiated rules, a gag being used, someone experiencing nonverbal subspace, or something else.
Communicating about sex makes it better
Hand in hand with consent is communication. Kink can be dangerous or risky, and it involves a lot of trust and vulnerability. It’s crucial to talk to your partner or partners about what you need and for them to be able to speak with you. It can feel weird to be so upfront about sex, especially if you’re not used to talking about it outside of the bedroom. However, communication outside of the bedroom is a crucial aspect of kink.
Researching what you’re into is hot
It’s okay to admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. Sometimes, the cultural idea that we should be sex experts can make us feel ashamed when we don’t know something about sex. Remember, no one knows everything there is to know about sex. It’s okay to have to do some research! Kinky people know that creating a positive experience for everyone takes negotiation and research. Instead of feeling ashamed when you don’t know something, treat it as a chance to
Aftercare is for everyone
Sex can be intense, and kinky sex even more so. Kinky people have developed a practice to help cope with the intensity of sex or a scene and transition back to the real world called aftercare. Aftercare is a practice that can help prevent postcoital dysphoria (sometimes called sub-drop in the kink world), which can cause intense emotional reactions after sex, including anxiety, irritability, or crying. Aftercare is an agreed-upon check-in after sex between partners. It can include discussing what you did, what each of you liked and didn’t like about it, or suggestions for next time. It might consist of some cuddling or clean-up together. Some people feel better when they have water and a snack nearby after a scene. What do you find yourself craving after sex? Talk it over with your partner and see how you can meet those needs for one another.
It can be intimidating to communicate what you’re looking for to a partner, whether that’s sexual or otherwise. Working with a therapist can help you figure out what works best for you and your relationships. Get in touch with our office today to get started.