February is here, so that means love is in the air! There are lots of expectations for Valentine’s Day, and if that’s not your jam that’s totally fine. If you’re someone who likes to celebrate Valentine’s Day and you’re looking for some ways to spice things up in the bedroom this year, we have a few ideas for you.
First of all, you’re not required to spice up your sex life if you don’t want to. Some folks are interested in exploration and others feel more comfortable with the routine they have. Everyone’s sexual preferences are different, and it’s okay to be comfortable with the sex life you already have, whether that be solo or partnered.
For folks that are interested in exploration, though, Valentine’s Day can be a fun excuse to try something new. Whether your goal is to have better sex (whatever that means for you), connect more deeply with your partner, or get turned on in new ways, there are tons of options to explore. If you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life in February, here are 4 ideas:
Practice communicating with your partner
Good sex doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts in the brain. That’s why it’s so important to communicate with partners inside and outside of the bedroom. In fact, we recommend practicing new communication skills outside of the bedroom first, so you don’t feel uncomfortable trying something new in an intimate or vulnerable moment.
Try having regular check-ins with your partner to keep the lines of communication open between you. It’s easy to feel resentful when you let small annoyances build-up, and it’s easier in the long run to have a slightly uncomfortable conversation than being boiling over with resentment because you didn’t know how to bring something up. It’s perfectly fine to write down what you want to say if you have a hard time communicating in the moment.
Explore on your own
It’s hard to communicate with a partner if you don’t know what you even like. Solo play is the perfect opportunity to explore how you like to be touched and what brings you pleasure. You can try using new tools to get off (for example, if you normally masturbate with your fingers, try incorporating a vibrator or humping a pillow to explore new sensations). It can also be exciting to masturbate somewhere new. If you normally touch yourself in bed, try doing it in the shower.
Exploring erotica can also be a helpful way to figure out what you like. There are so many options out there now for satisfying and ethical erotica in a number of mediums. Whether you try watching porn, listening to audio erotica, or reading erotic novels or stories, it’s fun to check out things you’ve never tried before in a low-risk way, so you can decide how you feel about it before you try with someone else.
Discuss your fantasies
Another way to try something new in bed is to talk about your fantasies with your partner. Fantasies are often misunderstood – just because someone has a fantasy about something doesn’t mean they always want to try it in real life. Roleplay, dirty talk, and even erotica are ways to explore different fantasies.
It can feel really vulnerable to share an intimate fantasy with a partner, especially if you tend to feel shame around your sexuality or sexual desires. This is where that foundation of healthy communication comes in. When you have practice being vulnerable with someone and a history of communicating with each other, it becomes easier to share intimate details and trust that you won’t be shamed or judged.
If you’re still concerned that your partner won’t be responsive to what you want to try, you can even talk to them about the sense of shame you’re feeling. It’s also helpful to talk to a sex therapist about sexual shame because a trained professional can help you find ways to combat that shame that work for you.
Make a Yes-No-Maybe list
In the kink world, a Yes-No-Maybe list is a document where you keep track of different kinks or sexual scenarios and what your limits are for each of them. A key part of safe kink play is communication, so going over each person’s limits is essential. While this might not be necessary before every sexual encounter you have, making your own yes-no-maybe list can help you define what your sexual interests and boundaries are. The list can be as simple or as detailed as you want it, and you can even find examples online if you don’t want to write your own.
List the sexual scenarios or acts that you can think of, and have each partner go through the list (use different color pens!) and mark each act as a “yes” a “no” or a “maybe”. Things marked as “no” by either partner go under hard limits, which are things you won’t incorporate into sex. “Maybe” items can be explored or discussed at a later time, or only happen under certain circumstances. “Yes” items are ones that you may want to try exploring or talking about with your partner. You might be surprised at what you and your partner are interested in, and it can be really fun to learn something new about each other.
If you’re looking for more ways to spice up your sex life this February, going to sex therapy can be a great place to start. Sex therapy will teach you and your partner a foundation of communication skills and help you reconnect with one another on an emotional and relational level, which can lead to major improvements in the bedroom. Get in touch with us today to get started with sex therapy.