10 Tips to Boost Sexual Desire in Your Marriage

how to increase sexual desire in marriage

Are you feeling a disconnect in your marital intimacy? You’re certainly not alone. Over time, the initial spark in a marriage can fade, leaving many to wonder how to fan the flames of desire once more. At the Center for Relationship & Intimacy WellBeing, we understand that maintaining sexual desire in marriage is both an art and a science.

The passion that once came naturally might now require extra attention and deliberate action. Our approach is grounded in empathy and practical strategies to help relight that fire. By increasing emotional attunement and exploring new avenues of intimacy, couples can restore a level of desire that may feel like it’s been lost. It’s possible, with the right guidance and effort, to rediscover the sexual connection that brought you together in the first place.

Detailed infographic describing the emotional and physiological benefits of intimacy, including increased oxytocin levels, reduced stress, and better communication, all contributing to a heightened sexual desire - how to increase sexual desire in marriage infographic cause_effect_text

Understanding the Importance of Sexual Desire in Marriage

Sexual desire is the heartbeat of marital intimacy, creating a unique bond that is both pleasurable and crucial for a couple’s emotional connection and overall relationship satisfaction. Recognizing its significance is the first step in addressing how to increase sexual desire in marriage.

The Emotional Connection

Sex goes beyond physical pleasure; it is deeply rooted in emotional connectivity. An active sexual relationship fosters closeness, trust, and a sense of being valued. It’s a way for couples to express love, share vulnerabilities, and communicate without words. When sexual desire wanes, it can often reflect or lead to an emotional disconnect.

Health and Self-Esteem

A healthy sex life contributes to physical and mental well-being. It can boost self-esteem and reduce anxiety, depression, and stress. When we feel desired and desirable, it positively affects our self-image and our perception of the relationship.

Communication and Satisfaction

Open communication about sexual needs and desires is a cornerstone of marital satisfaction. It helps partners understand each other’s preferences and boundaries, leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience. When this communication breaks down, dissatisfaction can creep in, affecting not just the bedroom but the overall dynamic of the marriage.

Couple embracing and smiling, symbolizing a healthy and intimate marital relationship - how to increase sexual desire in marriage

Chronic Stress and Its Impact on Sex Drive

Life’s Daily Grind Can Dampen Desire
It’s no secret that stress can put a damper on desire. The impact of chronic stress on one’s sex drive is significant, as it can reduce the body’s natural inclination for intimacy. When stress hormones flood your system, they can inhibit the hormones that trigger sexual arousal.

Finding Relief Together
To counteract stress, consider relaxation techniques such as mindfulness or progressive muscle relaxation. Engaging in these activities together can not only alleviate stress but also strengthen your bond, creating a more conducive environment for desire to flourish.

The Role of Career and Family Pressures

The Balancing Act
Juggling a career and family life is no small feat. The pressures from both fronts can leave little energy for sexual connection. When you’re constantly in “go mode,” it’s challenging to switch gears into a more sensual space.

Creating Space for Intimacy
We understand the struggle and encourage couples to deliberately carve out time for each other. This might mean scheduling date nights or moments of intimacy, ensuring that your relationship doesn’t take a backseat to other obligations.

Healing Together
Healing these wounds is critical. It involves open communication and a willingness to address the issues head-on. By acknowledging and working through these relational hurts, you can begin to rebuild a foundation of trust and equality, which is often a precursor to renewed sexual interest.

The Role of Emotional Intimacy in Boosting Sexual Desire

When it comes to maintaining the spark in your marriage, emotional intimacy is a key player. It’s not just about physical closeness; it’s the emotional connection that truly enriches your relationship and enhances your sexual desire. Let’s delve into why meeting each other’s emotional needs, expressing those needs positively, and understanding the role of oxytocin can bolster your intimate life.

The Importance of Meeting Each Other’s Needs

In a marriage, feeling emotionally fulfilled can directly influence your sexual drive. When you and your partner actively strive to meet each other’s emotional needs, it creates a foundation of trust and closeness. This bond is critical because, as Chris Kraft, Ph.D., points out, “women’s desire starts with some type of connection to their own sexuality or their partner.”

The Power of Positive Needs Expression

It’s not enough to recognize what you need from your partner; you have to communicate those needs in a positive way. When you express your desires without criticism or blame, you invite an open dialogue that enhances your connection.

Practical Tips to Increase Sexual Desire in Your Marriage

When it comes to fostering sexual desire in marriage, it’s about more than just the physical act. It’s about building intimacy, understanding, and a sense of connection. Here are practical steps you can take to boost sexual desire and enhance intimacy in your marriage.

Prioritizing and Scheduling Time for Sex

One key to maintaining an intimate connection is to prioritize time together. Schedule a date night or carve out time for just the two of you. This doesn’t always lead to sex, but it creates space for closeness. As experts suggest, “Couples who schedule time to connect…have healthier, happier relationships.”

Building Intimacy Through Non-Sexual Acts of Affection

Intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling connected and valued. Engage in acts of affection like cuddling, kissing, or simply holding hands. These gestures can enhance feelings of closeness without the pressure of sexual performance.

Open and Honest Conversations About Your Sex Life

Talking openly about your sex life can be transformative. It allows for a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and concerns. According to Kraft, discussing what makes you feel close and what you enjoy sexually creates opportunities for intimacy.

Identifying and Communicating Your Needs to Your Partner

Understanding and expressing what you need in your sexual relationship is vital. Whether it’s a preference for certain activities or the need for emotional connection, sharing these with your partner is a step towards a more fulfilling sex life.

Strategies to Reignite Passion in Your Marriage

When the spark in your marriage dims, it can feel challenging to rekindle the flame of passion. But don’t worry, there are tried-and-true strategies you can use to boost the warmth and closeness in your relationship. Let’s dive into how to increase sexual desire in marriage with practical steps.

Changing the Pattern of Initiating Sex

One of the most exciting ways to spice things up is to alter the way you initiate sex. If you usually wait for your partner to make the first move, try stepping into the initiator’s shoes. On the other hand, if you’re always the one to start things off, take a step back and create space for your partner to come to you. This change can create a new sense of anticipation and excitement.

Increasing Physical Affection Outside the Bedroom

Physical touch isn’t just about sex; it’s a language of love that can be spoken at any time. Simple gestures like holding hands, giving a surprise hug from behind, or a gentle kiss can all send a powerful message of love and desire. Dr. Kory Floyd notes that such acts release oxytocin, which can help reduce stress and increase feelings of closeness.

Allowing Tension to Build and Separating Sexual Intimacy from Routine

Rushing towards the climax isn’t always the best approach. Sometimes, letting the tension build can enhance the overall experience. Take your time with foreplay, explore each other’s bodies, and share fantasies. Additionally, try to keep sex and routine separate. Make your bedroom a sanctuary for intimacy, away from the stresses of daily life.

Varying the Kind of Sex and Making It a Priority

Variety is the spice of life, and this applies to your sex life as well. Don’t get stuck in a rut; instead, explore different types of sexual experiences. From tender and romantic to adventurous, varying the way you make love keeps things interesting. And remember to make sex a priority by setting the mood and planning time for it.

Allowing Your Partner to Influence You and Maintaining a Deep Friendship

A strong relationship is built on mutual influence and deep friendship. Be open to your partner’s suggestions and show that you value their opinions, even in the bedroom. Foster a connection that goes beyond the physical by sharing your thoughts, supporting each other’s dreams, and enjoying shared activities.


Revitalizing the sexual connection in your marriage is not just about the physical aspect; it’s about nurturing the emotional bond you share with your partner as well. It’s about finding the delicate balance between spontaneity and intention, between giving and receiving, and between talking and listening. By implementing the practical strategies discussed, such as prioritizing intimacy, communicating openly, and exploring new forms of affection, you can foster a deeper connection and enhance sexual desire.

It’s normal for sexual desire to fluctuate over time, and facing challenges in this area of marriage does not signify failure. It’s a shared journey of continuous learning and growth. If you find yourself struggling to navigate these waters, consider reaching out for support. At the Center for Relationship & Intimacy WellBeing, we’re here to help couples rediscover their passion and intimacy through thoughtful guidance and therapy.

In conclusion, the path to a fulfilling sexual relationship in marriage is a blend of tenderness, curiosity, and open-hearted communication. By embracing these principles and seeking support when needed, you can create a thriving, passionate, and resilient bond with your partner.

couples therapy - how to increase sexual desire in marriage

Take the next step towards a more intimate and satisfying relationship by booking an appointment with us today. Let’s work together to reignite the flame of desire and enjoy the journey of intimacy that marriage has to offer.