Questions to Ask Your Partner for Better Sex

woman reaching the man's lips

If you’re looking to have better sex with your partner, have you considered the answer may just be talking about it? 

Enjoyable sex is where imagination, playfulness, and open communication meet.  Beyond the basic necessity of communication in sex for things like consent and assessing everyone’s comfort level, openly communicating more in bed can make sex much more enjoyable for everyone involved. Think about it: opening conversations with your partner about their desires, fantasies, things they want to try,’s not boring! It’s actually really hot a lot of the time. 

So, if just asking a question can be hot, imagine how much fun you can have with 18 of them! Whether you want to sit down and talk through them with your partner, turn them into dirty talk, or make a game of them–whatever you want to do, here are 18 questions to ask your partner to have better sex. 

Questions About Your Current Sex Life:

  • What is your favorite thing we do now?
  • What is your favorite thing I do now?
  • What’s one thing we do together that you can just think about to get excited?
woman holding the other woman's wrist

It can be vulnerable to ask for “feedback” on something like this and often unhelpful because sex should be about connection,  not performance. So, instead of asking for an evaluation where your partner tells you everything that’s “lacking” in your sex life, take some time to have fun and gush over what you’re really enjoying. 

When you talk about what you and your partner like, you might start to notice patterns of things that excite you both, giving you ideas for new things to try down the line.

It also helps to start with what you’re enjoying as a place of gratitude: what in your sex life are you grateful for?   It may feel like a natural or expected part of your partnership, but truly no part of a relationship should be taken for granted. Reflecting on what feels unique and exciting within your sex life is a great way to express and feel gratitude for what you have!

Questions About Your Desired Sex Life:

  • What do you wish we did more of?
  • What do you wish I did more of?
  • What do you wish we would try?
teddy bear beside a happy couple

Nothing has to be lacking in your sex life for you to want to try something new or get creative. Sex, after all, is kind of like playtime for adults. It’s an opportunity to let your imagination run wild and have fun by yourself or with someone else! 

It also is a sign of significant trust if your partner has something new they want to try with you. Sex, as we know, while fun and fulfilling, can be very vulnerable to engage.  If your partner is taking time to express something new they’d like to try, take that as a sign of their trust in you and their excitement in your connection–a connection where they feel safe enough to share something new! 

Questions About Their Body/Pleasure:

  • Do you have any erogenous zones I don’t know about?
  • What’s your favorite way for me to touch you?
  • Do I know your biggest turn-ons?
man's hand resting on her person's back

Your partner has had a lifetime to explore their body, so there might be some things you don’t know about it! 

Questions About Their Fantasies

  • Are there any fantasies you want to try?
  • What’s your hottest sexual fantasy?
  • Are there any fantasies you don’t want to try but like to fantasize about?

Not every fantasy is as hot in real life as it is in our imaginations, but the sharing of them can be! Whether or not your partner wants to try whatever they’re fantasizing about, learning what scenarios turn them on can help you get to know them better, and make the sex you do have more fun. 

When you know what it is about those fantasies that excite your partner, you can incorporate different elements of those things into your existing sex life, even if just through dirty talk and not acting them out! An opportunity for more imagination is only ever a positive thing when it comes to sex.

Questions About Their Solo Sex Life:

  • Do you like to use toys when you masturbate? 
  • What toys do you like to use? 
  • How do you like to use them?
  • Do you watch/read/listen to porn/erotica to masturbate?
  • What sort of porn/erotica turns you on? 
  • What do you like to imagine when you masturbate?
woman holding the other woman's wrist

How much do you know about your partner’s solo sex life? Do you know what turns them on when they’re alone, what they like to imagine, or how they like to touch themselves? Again, your partner has had a lifetime figuring out what they like. Learning what excites them when they’re on their own can only aid you in exciting them when you’re together.

Talking about sex and figuring out how to communicate in your own sex life can be tricky.  Working with a therapist, especially a certified sex therapist, can help you figure out how to talk about sex in a comfortable way. Get in touch with our office today to make an appointment!